How Joshua Harris made me unproductive for a day (Part 1)

There are a lot of things that are going through my mind lately. Just this Monday, I was at work but didn’t really do any work, because my mind was (and still is, till now) occupied that kept me off my concentration to get things done at the office. Although I did few minor stuff done, but most of the time I just spent it contemplating about life and myself and my surroundings. I was not glued to my chair all day, I kept standing up, walking, going to the washroom, pantry, locker room and even outside the office. And aside that I was quite annoyed over some people in my workplace, I was occupied thinking about things that I might say, really matters.

I’d like to blame Joshua Harris for this. LOL. No, I’m kidding. But well, yeah after listening to one of his sermons I’ve downloaded online a week ago, Some nagging questions started to stepped in. The sermon’s titled “Don’t waste your life”. Being a reader of Joshua Harris’ books for almost a decade now, not to mention my irregular visit to his blog and their church websites, I feel like I know him personally now. I don’t know. I am now accustomed to his style, may it be writing or preaching.. yet he still and always amazes me of his profound ideas and the anointing God has given him. Although I find almost all of his sermons very enriching and helpful to my life specifically the spiritual aspect of my life, this particular “Don’t Waste Your Life” sermon has made an impact on me, especially, when he asked the question, “Did you live for what matters?” Although there are more stuff to learn and contemplate from the sermon, but that particular phrase/question moved me. It has been a few days now that I use the “Do you live for what matters?” phrase as my status message on my yahoo messenger, msn, skype, and gmail, and yeah even on my account on facebook. I think I just wanted to remind myself of the question all time by writing them everywhere. Also get the others on my friend’s list thinking too if they are “living for what matters.” I’m sure somehow it made it them think. One of my friends even responded to it saying, “what a question!” Another one said, “that made me think!” I knew what they meant by that.

I’ve already had tons of nagging questions in my head, but this one tops all of them. Do I live for what matters? I started thinking of what really matters not only in my life but in this world. Because if I am to define or enumerate what matters in my life, I could list a lot of selfish things that I think really matters. I could think about myself, my career, family, relationship, (well these two really matters), then promotion, savings, traveling local and overseas, car, house/condo, etc.. all of which are considered too selfish (except for the two I’d say).

Then I started to look at it in a Christian perspective… what God has given me, the “talents” that I am supposed to use, to cultivate or increase or make use of, not for my glory but for His. The resources God has blessed me with, how can I use it to show the world of God’s greatness? Then I started thinking if I am being a blessing to my family and to all the people around me or am I being a burden?

I could reveal too much about myself if I will write all the thoughts I have on this blog. But I guess I am just too overwhelmed of the ideas and questions that I can’t really put them all into writing.

You see, being a Christian, not to mention a member of a Minister’s family, is something I should say not easy. Don’t get me wrong, being a Christian is wonderful. I feel privileged to get to know Jesus, to be able to worship him, to be His child and to be saved. Being a Christian is a privilege. That’s how I look at it. You have this unlimited access to God, to talk Him, knowing He really listens and cares. These are just some wonderful things about being a Christian, but it wasn’t easy as well. Although now I meet a lot of Christians everywhere I go, still sometimes, I can’t help but feel different from the rest when you are one. I am not saying it’s bad but they just don’t or can’t understand why are act or do things this way. And having a mother as Church Pastor (the head pastor in our area, you see I am from one of the big Christian churches in my country) is another thing. When I was a growing up, I used to think if being a pastor’s kid is a curse or a blessing. Although I must admit that we not only experience the “privilege” of knowing Christ but also the “fringe benefits” of being part of this family. Yes you get special treatments and all.. ( which sometimes I honestly do not enjoy) but hey, that is part of it. I could mention a lot of things that can be classified as good and not so good about being a pastor’s child. But as I grew older, God has started to make me realize that this is one of what he has given me, one the resources that he blessed me with that I should make use of. Instead of running away from it, rebelling against my mother’s position in the church, I should take it as an advantage to give back the glory to Him. It may be hard to be a pastor’s child but this is God what has given me and I must embraced it and help my parents fulfill their “duties” at the church and at home.

Another is, I am also blessed to be offered a position in the company I’m working for. I know this is just one of His works in my life. That is why, everyday, I acknowledge my nothingness before him, asking him continuously for wisdom and knowledge and the leadership skills and all the things I need to give justice to the role that he entrusted me with. Sometimes, I get weary and feel like backing out especially when I get overwhelmed with all the negativity I am facing… that I am thinking of quitting my job. Yet, God will remind me that I am here in this position not for what is written on my CV but because God has put me here. And who am I not to accept? And like being a pastor’s child, I also get to enjoy the fringe benefits of being a supervisor in my workplace, but I know on top of those privileges, God put me in this post for a reason and that is what matters. I am not here for nothing. He has put me here to bring back the glory back to Him.

to be continued…

if you just realize, what I just realized…

baby, take your time. I will wait.

I’m missing you so bad, in case you don’t know that.

they quit and they are becoming a headache.

Yes, my initial reaction was sad. I was kind of depressed, not really but well, yeah it has affected me. Okay, I am talking about the recent happenings in my workplace…(read previous entry) the abrupt resignation not to mention, a massive one, well not really, or maybe yeah, since out of 5 members, 3 of them just quit. Don’t make me mention about the other resignations from the other teams in our department and the others that’s going to happen in the future.

Sad was my initial reaction, yes because first I didn’t expect them to do it that soon, much more doing it all at the same time. Second was, I admit that they are good team members, well, they used to be, not until recently when they are turning into some sort of pain in the ass. Really they are! And I’m quite pissed!

Are resignation letters really meant to be written with lies? I mean, why say, “I’m thankful for the opportunity and all that the company has provided me with… grateful for the whatever it is…etc…etc…” and the “I am willing to help or something for the smooth transition..etc… ” when you are becoming such as ass on your remaining days? I thought you say, you’ll help with the smooth transition, whatever!

I am just so pissed of that.  While I don’t want to glorify myself, but I’ve already worked for different firms and submitted more than a couple of resignations, but I was never a headache to them during my last few days. What I wrote in my resignation letters were all true. Even when I had some horrible experiences with one of the companies I’ve worked for, still I remained professional. But I didn’t have to put that “I regret leaving them..etc”… because I don’t talk bullshit to anyone. I believe that if you are leaving the company, and you happened to be in bad terms with some people from the management, I think it is better not to write any lies on your resignation letter, like being sad about leaving and all that.. if that’s the case, better state that you simply are just leaving and wanted a career change. You don’t even have to explain things on the letter. While I know that you must keep the letter positive as it will be kept on your 201 file, which could be dig up later if there is a need for it, still writing hoax on your letter just to please your immediate supervisor, or any HR officer reading it isn’t really a good idea. I think it’s better to be true than be “plastic!” Get real. While you don’t want to burn the bridge, you also don’t want to write lies on your resignation letter while in your mind, you even vomit writing them.

I am just pissed of them. Well I was. Hopefully for the remaining 3 weeks, they will not give me anymore headaches.

resignations and low staff morale…

What would you do when you received three (yes freaking 3!) resignation letters all in one day? Not to mention, getting it at the start of shift!

Man! I am just so not in peace right now.  I couldn’t work well. I am so much bothered. I am wondering what is going on. Just barely 2-3 weeks ago, we had to layoff some staff and unfortunately 3 of them are my team members. I used to have 8 members, downsized to 5 when ‘they’ decided to layoff when the clients asked for it.  I was torn. While the 2 of them were new hires, working for barely 2-3 months I think, the other one has been here for quite some time, more than a year and is performing well, yet was decided to be part of the people that we had to let go.  That person was never a headache to me and to the team, both work and attitude wise. So, I was really bothered when I found out about the management’s decision. I even questioned them, asked if we still could do something. I wasn’t at peace when I’ve learned about it. I couldn’t sleep.

And now, 3 resignation letters on my desk.

What do I do with this? I know I will need to talk to them and ask them personally about their decisions. Although I am getting hints or just having some guesses and assumptions of what could be the reasons of them wanting to quit from their jobs.  I know it is related to the layoff that happened a few weeks back because one of those who were relieved from work happens to be one of their friends at work. I knew they were hurt badly. As their team leader, it was painful too being in the situation. You are just in the middle, in between the management and the workforce. And it’s simply not easy.

I will talk to them definitely. While I know some of the questions I want to ask them, I still feel lost of words. Three resignation letters all in one day is serious. While I admit that I am concerned that this will reflect my own performance, especially that my evaluation will be up soon ( yeah, very good timing isn’t!?), I am more concerned of why they all three decided to do it all at the same time.

For me, it’s more of a protest on their part. While their letters shows gratitude for giving them the opportunity to be part of the company, I know and I feel that there is more than that. The problem didn’t just start on the day some staff were relieved, it actually just triggered them more or gave them the concrete reason for doing so. The problem started way before I joined the company. I’ve been hearing a lot since my first few weeks in here.

It is just sad. They are my performers. I admit, it’s going to wreck my own performance, and so the team’s.  But I just feel like I’ve lost pillars in my house. They are gems. And this is devastating.